February 2012
6 posts
It's the freakin' weekend
Eric: Ping, what music do you want to hear during breakfast?
Ping: Ignition Remix.
Eric: Okay.
Instagram
Mama: Did you guys see my paper lamp?
Ping: Yeah, that was so awesome!
Mama: Did you see how it works? I didn't show you.
Ping: Yeah I saw it this morning on Instagram!
Yuppie
Eric: Ping, do you want grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner?
Ping: I want bacon-wrapped shrimp.
Eric: What the hell.
Puppy Love
Ping: When am I going to have a baby?
Mama: Probably when you're 30. Who are you going to have a baby with?
Ping: Um, I don't know.
Mama: Sonya?
Ping: No! She always bothers me! She likes me too much, but I don't like her! And she's not my type!
Mama: You have a type?
Culture
Uncle: I want to teah you about culture. It's things that make a group of people unique. What do Thai people like that make then unique. They like Thai boxing.
Mama: Eating.
Ping: They like punching trees!
Ping eating on the subway
Ping: Do you see any "Do Not" signs?
Mama: Yeah, that one says "Do not smoke, do not make a mess and no loud music."
Ping: So I guess that means you can eat on the Subway. People get hungry on the subway.
Mama: Yeah, but don't make a mess because there is a sign for that.
Ping: What? This whole place is a mess!
January 2012
4 posts
Sleepyhead
Ping: Are we about to board now?
Mama: No, we're in New York now. You've been sleeping since the drive to the airport. We couldn't even wake you up to say "bye" to Auntie Audrey and Uncle David. How was the flight?
Ping: What do you mean? Did I even go on the airplane?
Playing analog chess with Uncle David
Auntie Audrey: Ping, can you come give me a hug?
Ping: Ok.
Ping turning to Uncle David: Can you pause the game?
Carousel birthday party
Ping: Mama, I want to ride by myself.
Mama: No, it's a birthday party, so all the kids have to ride together.
Ping: Can you just not talk to me then?
Sore Loser
Ping: You win too much.
Mama: There's no such thing as winning too much.
Ping: Uh huh. If you win Memory games all the time, then nobody would want to play Memory games with you because they would know you would win and it will get boring.
December 2011
1 post
Movie night
Mama: Hey, let's watch this movie! It's about a turtle's journey from Florida to the North Atlantic and Africa!
Ping: No. Sounds lame.
Mama: But it has 4 stars on Netflix!
Ping: Hey! Guess what! That was from grownups, not kids!
November 2011
5 posts
Rhyme time
Uncle: Give me a word that rhymes with "Ping."
Ping: "Bling."
Green beans
Grandpa: Ping, do you like green beans?
Ping: Yeah, but we can't afford green beans in New York because Mama is in grad school and Uncle Eric isn't working right now.
“Why is that guy (on TV) pretending he’s a spy? You’re not supposed...”
– Ping the Spy
Poltergeist
Eric: Ping, it stinks. Did you fart?
Ping: No, there's a ghost behind me who keeps farting. You just can't see him.
On a very quiet subway car...
Mama: That was quick.
Ping (very loudly): That's what she said!
October 2011
6 posts
“I don’t think Columbus deserves a holiday because he didn’t know how...”
– Someone headed to Berkeley in about 13 years
“You are a hypocrite! I asked you to get me a milk and you called me a lazy bones...”
– Ping, going off in front of three houseguests
A walk through the Upper East Side
Ping: I want to move to Manhattan.
Eric: That's fine, but first your mom has to get a job.
Ping: No she doesn't. I can get a job. Kindergarten is too easy.
“Alot of Asian people look like mama.”
– at Japanese department store Uniqlo
Distractions
Ping: Ok, I can't do my homework in five seconds with the TV on because it's distracting me. Can you please turn it off and I will watch it after.
Mama: Ok.
Tron
Mama: Is this movie too scary for you?
Ping: No. It's too confusing though!
Mama: Why? Because of what the movie's about?
Ping: No, because everyone is dressed the same! How am I supposed to know who is who?
September 2011
6 posts
Auntie Audrey: Ping, do you have a globe?
Ping: I have Google Earth.
“Did you know that humans walk on the ceiling when the earth is upside down?”
Mama: Hi Ping! What did you do with Uncle today?
Ping: I don't know what to say so I don't like it when you ask me questions like that.
Mama: So what do you want me to ask you then?
Ping: Ask me something like, "Hi Ping! Do you want to go to Coney Island today?"
Mama: Remember when I didn't eat anything last Sunday for my (school) project?
Ping: Yeah, that was dumb.
While listening to Bruno Mars' "Grenade" song
How do you catch a grenade? Doesn't it blow up when it hits something?
Getting ahead
Mama: Wow, Ping! You finished your homework already? That took less than five minutes! I think kindergarten is too easy. You should go to first grade!
Ping: I think first grade will be too easy. I think I should go to work!
August 2011
4 posts
“Going through the sprinklers is better than dying. And it’s not like I...”
– Ping trying to convince me to let him run through the sprinklers at the playground.
On the monkey bars
Boy 1 to Boy 2: You wanna see me do a flip?
Boy 2 to Boy 1: Can you do a triple flip?
Boy 1 to Boy 2: I can jump, flip and hang on one arm!
Ping to Mama: I think these guys are a bad influence.
Yucky!
Ping: Hey guys, I got us a snack for the movie!
Mama: What snack?
Ping: Raisins.
Mama: That's a lame snack!
Ping: Do you want prunes then?
“I know how you can be as cute as me. Just print out a big picture of me, then...”
July 2011
1 post
Parenting advice
Ping: Did anybody pay attention to kids today?
Mama: Yes, I paid attention to you all day except when you were playing computer games.
Uncle Ricky: I didn’t pay attention to you one bit. I didn’t pay attention to Asher. I was busy eating crabs! I’m a terrible father.
Ping: Then you shouldn’t be a father.
Uncle Ricky: You don’t say.
June 2011
4 posts
Know-it-all
Mama: Ping, you lost your Squinkies already? I'm not going to buy you anymore toys because you don't take care of the toys that you have.
Ping: It's "had", Mama. "Had."
All grown up
Ping: Am I like a grown-up now?
Mama: Yes. Why do you want to be a grown-up? I'd rather be a kid.
Ping: So I can practice grown-up training, so that when I'm a grown-up, I'll know what to do!
Gigi
Uncle: Gigi is your security blanket.
Ping: She's not a guard! She's just some weird blanket!
“Am I buff?”
– Ping, while changing into his Kung Fu uniform
May 2011
9 posts
“Every single week I change girlfriends!”
Trashy Trashy (Ping titled this)
Ping: Do you know what Chinatown is?
Mama: Yeah.
Ping: What is it then?
Mama: It's where a lot of Chinese people live.
Ping: No. It's Trash World.
Mama: What? Who said that? That's not true.
Ping: Mmm hmm! I can tell with my eyes. Look at that bottle over there! Nobody picked it up!
Listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D
Ping: Is this song old?
Eric: Very old.
Ping: Like 1998?
Ping: Whoever says the longest word wins. You go first.
Mama: Okay. "Prachanronarong." Your turn.
Ping: "Kondanai Ping Sanguanshua."
Growing up
Eric: Mama, Ping is growing up too fast. Can you tell him to slow down?
Mama: Ping, can you not grow up so fa-
Ping: IT'S NATURE.
cute
Eric: Ping. You're so cute. How did you get so cute? Can you tell me so I can be cute too?
Ping: I came this way.
Eric: So how can I be cute like you?
Ping: ...
Eric: I can't be as cute as you?
Ping: ...
Eric: I can't?
Ping: Can we talk about something else?
“Does your company make more money when I am here?”
– -to Kate Schwartz, when hanging out at DRAFTFCB at 8pm on a Friday
Common Sense
Ping: Put your pants on.
Eric: No. It's my birthday and I'm going to go to work in my underwear.
Ping: Look at yourself.
Different Area Codes
Eric: Ping, what's your favorite place that you've been so far? Hawaii? Germany? Mexico? Miami?
Ping: Did you say Maryland?
Eric: Is Maryland your favorite?
Ping: You forgot Ohio.
Eric: Sorry. Is Ohio your favorite?
Ping: What about Redwood City?
Eric: Is Redwood City your favorite?
Ping: No. I think Hawaii.
April 2011
5 posts
Cold Hard Punishment
Mama: Why were you in time-out?
Ping: Because I was acting crazy.
Mama: How many times did I ask you to stop being crazy?
Ping: Three. Maybe four.
Mama: And how many times should I have to tell you?
Ping: Once.
Mama: Good.
Ping: Actually, zero.
Mama: Even better.
Preschool drama
Ping: Do you know Lucy? I became friends with her.
Mama: No, what happened to Josi? Are you tired of her?
Ping: You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of her not talking to me!
Mama: Well that's good you're moving on. How did you start playing with Lucy?
Ping: She came to my restaurant. And then Dylan S. left. And then some babies came.
Mama: Oh. I see.
The Art of Shaving
Ping: Do I have to shave when I'm a grown up?
Mama: Yes, probably. If you grow facial hair.
Ping: Will it hurt?
Mama: No. Why, are you afraid of shaving?
Ping: Because on the commercial it shows sharp things. I don't want shave! Ever!
Gossip Boy
Ping: Do you know that Kobe Bryant is dating Hannah Montana?
Mama: No he's not. That's disgusting.
Ping: That's what Tariq told me.